Extraordinary letter to friend Mania, describing her leavetaking and sorry, glimpse into her soul.
We are starting! We say farewell to Karlstad. The heart is filling with fear and anxiety. Whom will we meet, what phantoms? However, I decided not to go into what might happen now, and not to complain. Maybe this really had to happen, so that I could finally get used to living among healthy people . . . . The train is speeding ahead, and I am here with ------------------shriveled up like a snake. I hide my pain inside of me, while the two esteemed ladies sit next to me. One a lady doctor, the other a supervisor and neither has any idea how chocked up I am, and how very torn I feel. I clench my teeth and pretend to look out the window, when I hear the word “austeigen”. It’s the first train transfer, and after 20 minutes we descend from the railroad car slowly, not at all like a year ago when we were still in captivity. It’s daybreak, the scenery is lovely, the world is smiling. We have half an hour, so we take a short walk, observing the forest in the distance. And now the waiting has come to an end; maybe all evil will disappear with it. We enter the train again as we leave the fields and the forest in the distance. I look at the ground, covered with a sheet of white, and though I am not brave by nature, I want to say just this: let’s not give up because evil does not last forever. My eyes look at the fields and I keep wondering when I will sit again at the table, together with my two sisters. It’s always best to be with one’s own. Who could better understand a greeting, or an inquiry “how are you, are you well?” Time drags on. I wish for this trip to be over and for me to be older by a few hours. Meanwhile, every minute is an eternity. Time spent on the train is pleasant, as I talk to the doctor about many things. Still, I am unhappy because my heart is somehow being pulled into the distance. And as the hours go by, so does your gaze disappear. My dear Maniusia, I see you before me, but after an embrace and one more kiss, a seven hour trip separates us. Not long ago, I used to sit on your bed for a while. Now I don’t know at all what will happen, and there is no choice but to make the best of it, anywhere. Forgive me, Mania, I must end now. It pains me to consider whether we will yet have a chance to be together. Well, maybe . . . . . . With God’s help, you will get well quickly, and will regain your strength. I know that you don’t like my bringing God into it, and that it makes you angry. However, I am convinced that without his will, all plans are for naught. And so, I ask for God’s help because He can do everything. Our mutual wishes should come true, as I have no more strength to be separated forever. Let’s have hope that it will all happen, and that things will brighten up for us everywhere. Mania! I bid you farewell. Do not give up and be well. Time flew by as I was engrossed in my thoughts. No need to unload them now. Be of good cheer, and don’t worry about my health. Don’t let it spoil your disposition. Good bye, good bye. Your Rozka The scribble is caused by the train’s motion. It’s impossible to write. Well, Mania, did you really expect me to be such a good child as to write to you, or rather scribble right away? Good bye. Best regards for Miss Janka, Olga and the entire room.